I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
