This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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