handjob tips. give me some.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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