And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
