Pants 0. Shit 1.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
how drunk are you?
Several
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
