so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish you could order shots online.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He felt like a one man threesome
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
