when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
