I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
