Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
