so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
