one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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