it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
