Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
