I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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