I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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