I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And then he peed in my hair
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