matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
