dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
