Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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