Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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