Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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