You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Randomize
