I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
