So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
