Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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