my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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