Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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