My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
