im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
