I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
