i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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