so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
