my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
