my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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