So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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