just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
