K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
