Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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