honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
