If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
