I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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