I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
