the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
