i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Randomize
