a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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