You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
