Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
