i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
