shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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