jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
