ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
