I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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