U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
