This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
