She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Randomize
